Just want to scream

I just want to scream because I'm confused
their changing stuff up and I don't know what to do
One minute we moving foward next minute we moving back
Today ain't the day it needs to be like that
When we go back to make our schedules for next semster
I'm going to make sure I have the type of teachers that have their selves together
Irritation is what I'm feeling don't think I should've came today just cause
I mean if you think about it things were better left at what they were
I just want to scream so can I go outside please
maybe someone will tell me to go home and let them have peace
if so then I will do just that go home and go to sleep
Have peaceful dreams and get up under the covers where I can't be seen
Close my door so that my snores can't be heard
and maybe when I wake up everything either won't be remembered or
it will all just be a blurr!!!!!!!

Looking for something

I'm looking for something and I still haven't found it
I have faith that I will find it today and if not I the faith is still kept that I will find it tomorrow
And if not then the faith is going to be kept until I find it
I've been waiting for a year now and I've been doing what it takes to find this
But it seems as if I keep getting these road blocks that stop me in my tracks
Sometimes I feel like it's not meant for me to look then sometimes I feel it is
I mean maybe if I stop looking it will make its way to find me
Only GOD knows so I should just chill, kick back, and wait and see
But apart of me like I said doesn't want to stop looking
Because I feel that if I stop I won't ever find it

Not my best work

I don't think that is my best, you  know that paper that I just turned in
That paper that was due today that I just wrote yesterday
Lastnight around 9:45 I honestly just wrote something down
I felt confused, consumed with so many thoughts
My day yesterday wasn't good at all
I got hot and I mean as hot as the sun
I was burning up but don't know the degrees it was son
I came to school  today went straight the library so I could type up
those written down words that were wrote in pen, chicken scratch handwriting is what I did then

Can't just stand still

Can't just stand still no not here in this world
We only got one life to live and we gotta live it to the fullest
Looking over our shoulder's is what many of us do out here
in this world because some of these people are just that cruel
Can't just stand still because we might miss out on something
I've been standing still for a long time because of the fears of the world that I have
Praying everyday that he washes them away and instill in  me a dose of confidence
Because I don't want to continue to live my life like this
Been trying to come outta my shell
Making conversation's with people as I'm here on campus
Trying to find things to do with my spare time other than go home and lay down
Come to find out other people are standing still just like me
But I try to encourage them to not stand still that they have to move their feet
Beyond school grounds...home bound...can't you see
I don't want these people to end up like me
lost in a world that I was born into years ago
to come this far to continue to feel that I will never find the thing that I'm looking for
People we can't stand still we have to continue to grow and find some kind of way to let
the fears of this complicated world go!

Got to keep the Faith

Got to keep the faith is what has been instilled in me
I know that he got me and he won't ever leave
He's done so much in my life already
I continues to ease my pain when my heart feels heavy
Faith yes best believe I have
Cause when my grandmother got diagnosed with cancer, and we thought we lost my little cousin
He brought us two miracles and from then on we never left out of their sight without hugging
He knows what he's doing and all he wants for us is to know that he is worhty to be praised
And I don't just mean only on rainy days
He does what he has set on his mind and he also comes on time
Callem when you need him
I promise he is going to come running
He answers you right then but the blessing sometimes is slow coming
Reason as to why is cause he is trying to prepare you for it
so if there ened up being pain he knows you won't run from it
He has to be sure that he can trust you with that gift
He has to know that you won't give the devil a lift
We fall short everyday that we are here
But forgives us even before we committ a sin and he wipes every tear
I LOVE this gift he gave me the TALENT of WRITING
cause without it I don't know what I would do
how I wouold release pain and let people know about the things I've been through

I'm lost

I'm lost and at the same time irritated
I know that we can't predict what is going to happen minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, and years from now
But I think I should've we should've been informed about something, my concentration has been throwed off
I need to find a way to gain it back
GOD knows the frustration and I'm hoping he eases my mind
I'm trying to continue to go with the flow of things praying that this devil doesn't shatter my dreams

I think I'm going to

I think I'm going to find the courage to do this
to make you notice me but how it's going to be done I'm clueless
I hope I find it because it's a chance that I want to take
to get to know you better up close in person instead of trying to read you from far away
Or should I say from across the room or better yet as you wait in the hallway to enter class
Ur smile is what caught my eye and made me think the question "Why not?"
go for it now maybe I will but until then I guess I'm at a standstill
I tried this once before and it didn't turn out the way I'd hoped
Maybe this time will be different and we are able to hangout and joke around
I hope I gain the courage to do this because if I don't then I might not ever get another chance
And if this chance is given up I'm going to be stuck seeing you at a glance

Untitled

I use to always hear the saying "Watch how you treat people" and that it will always come back on you regardless if you treated them right or wrong....I watch the world and the people in it...and see that we treat people as if they don't deserve respect...we go on  hurting one another as if it doesn't have an effect on us...from the friends to family...and on to the people we don't even know....Sometimes I think parents wonder as we leave home how we treat people when we are away from them...I think they wonder if they have done enough and raised us right to become the good citizens of this world we live in today.....when I leave the house I wonder the same thing..When I see someone needs help with something and I can lend a hand as I'm doing so I think about my mom and I say to myself that I wonder if she knows that she has raised a respectful young woman and when my deed is done I walk away knowing that my mother has done her job and I have done mine because I'm always going back to the talks that we have and I use those everyday that I'm away from her even if it isn't nothing but a few hours

Freestyle

I use to write raps just to past the time but now I do them whenever one comes to mind
just so I can keep skills tight fresh to def like a pair of new shoes or money tied up in a rubberband just so nothing won't get loose feel like I'm in a booth I hear this beat in my head and the words coming out but instead of me speaking them I'm typing instead see I tried to let them know something new about me I'm not just the quiet student that stays glued to her seat and her eyes on the teach nawl I write rhymes when I don't have the permission to speak just so my thoughts won't get cluttered I gotta keep them smooth like butter cause when its time  to present I won't have the audacity to utter or stutter better yet slip up and say the wrong thing

Take that chance

Take that chance don't give it up
to somebody that's not going to handle it with care like us
That chance is only going to come once in a lifetime
and you only have one life to live so with this chance you better shine
bright like the lights beaming down a run way you know how we do
Shine until they tell us we too young to play in this game
A chance is given to everyone and it may not be the same
But as long as you take that chance you will live this life knowing
you just didn't leave it to someone that wouldn't have handled it the same

Look in my eyes

Look in my eyes tell me what do you see
Can you see the pain I feel or do you just see me
Sometimes I wonder when people look at me and into my eyes do they see what I see
I always tell them to take a look at me when I know I'm feeling low
Just to see if they can tell that I'm going through a dark tunnel
Look into my eyes cause I'm trying to tell you something
My words can't express it cause I'm furious
When I tell them to look into my eyes and tell my what do they see I'm just curious

Mind drew a blank

My mind drew a blank when I was trying to write my first paper
heart was beating fast because I felt that I wouldn't have anything to turn in
Went to the library the day before it was due
stared at a blank screen until thoughts from my mind were drew
I finally came up with something and was done around 7:30
I wonder what the outcome will be and will the criticism hurt me
I hope whoever reads it at the end the would want to read more
because when I get those type of readers writing for me is never a bore

What is it coming to

What is it coming to this world I mean
Shots ring out nomatter the scene kids get hit
one gets called home all because of a shot to the dome
they getting younger by the minute bruh '93 '94 '95
must I repeat another mother has to bury her baby at this end of this week
Due to all of the stupidity out here on these streets
It ain't safe people scared to walk out the home
So i guess prayer is the main thing we need to be depending on

Sense is never being made

Never being made round here is sense people act as if they aren't born with it
I try to laugh it off when they talk to me without instead of getting mad and ready
to shout loud like this!
I try to keep my cmposer when sense is never being made like yesterday
when this guy got mad because I had rules for myself when it comes to dating
Maybe sense will start being made soon enough because if it doesn't then this world will
reamin corrupt

Just write something

She told us to blog about whatever we wanted
but I have no specific thing in mind
irritated cause the syndrome of writer's block is coming into play
and when it comes my way the look of frustration comes upon my face
so I've learned to just write something nomatter what it is
cause at the end of the paper words will have appeared
will they have any meaning? Of course they will cause the frustration
that I feel will have been released through my words

Something Real (Reality Check)

18 years is how old he was when he took him away
words couldn't describe the pain I felt on the that very day
my world was turned upside down my smile was turned into
a frown the day before he came and took my great grama away aswell
so it was double the hurt double the pain felt like I was in hell
in the middle of my junior year is when he hit me with this
I bet you can't imagine the feeling of being that sick
went to both funerals one day after the other
associates said I was crazy cause they wouldn't have been able to do it 
but I felt it was what I had to do cause I never got a chance to say goodbye
lonely nights and even when I wake up I think about them both
and try to keep my head up
it's going on 3 years now which don't really seem like its been that
long I wrote a song dedicated it to my dear friend as the tears rolled down my face
as I was letting people in
I never want to ever experience that type of pain again but to be honest I can't say
that it won't ever resurface because it ain't no telling when he gone call another
one mines above the surface

Inside Of My Mind

                                                                              

Inside of my mind sometimes I feel trapped
closed off from the outside world because of the cruelness
that people tend to portray I keep quiet
in certain classes and just think to myself
because you never know what is to come out of some people's
mouths if you try to talk to them
Inside of my mind sometimes is where I feel safe but once
the negative thoughts run through I run
to an outsider to hide from what's inside of my own mind
Inside if my mind I judge myself on looks, intelligence, and how
kind I am to others
But inside of my mind is not where I want to
hide this year
I want to be outside of it and upon the minds of others
So I will be able to get the best of both worlds instead of
hiding trapped in my mind up under the covers

First week...Second year...New start

First week second year new start I appear
in class seeing new faces and old ones
but it's all a different vibe
teachers seem to be cool but some enthusiastic
full time student this year hope as it all progress
it doesn't get drastic
outside of class I meet and greet new people
open to new things hopefully by the end of it I have
enough going on to create a sequel